If I Say Stay
by high-off-music
Summary: I held the graduation party invitation in my hands. For me, this was the last piece of Axel I had been given, and ironically it was the very thing that reminded me he was leaving me for what felt like good. I always did hate saying goodbye.
1. The trouble with goodbyes

Thanks for giving my short story a chance =D Reviews would be wonderful!

I would always remember the little pathway, nestled in between the biggest pine trees in the park by my house that led down to the lake. It was a tiny path that if you didn't know where to look for it you'd probably never find it. Worn out by years of young feet tramping up and down in as it swerved around trees and over boulders too big to be moved, it was a substantial part of my childhood. When I needed to think about something important, or I just needed to get away from everything in my life for a little bit I would walk down that familiar path to the lake. My best friend and I had built a small bench by the waters edge, and I always sat there and watched the sun sink below the horizon on any night I had the chance. Tonight was one of those nights.

It was nearing the end of summer vacation, and if that wasn't disappointing enough it was going to be the start of my junior year. I knew in a way I should be excited, but there was nothing but sadness occupying the interior of my heart. How could I be happy when my best friend was going away to college? I was sitting on the bench we had made so many summers ago, and the memory tugged at my heart making me sigh and lean forward with my head in my hands. I always knew this day would someday come, when Axel left for college and left me brokenhearted and alone, but I never wanted to think about it. For some reason I had hoped that if I just never brought up that he was leaving he wouldn't. But unfortunately, life wasn't quite like that. In fact, as life would have it, the day that I had been dreading in my heart for so long was actually happening tomorrow, and at exactally 8:15 in the morning Axel would be boarding his plane for New York City. He was going to be at Columbia University as an art major for the next 4 years, and being the poor college kid that he was about to become he could only afford to fly back to our small hometown in Colorado once a year for Christmas, if he was lucky.

Now, don't get me wrong, I was so thrilled that Axel had gotten into such a great college and was going to make something of himself; the only thing I didn't like was the fact that I was getting left behind. But, I guess that's the kind of thing that happens when your best friend is two years ahead of you academically. He was actually three years older than me, but we never talked about that much because it seemed weird. Axel always seemed to act younger than he really was and I was sometimes so serious and calm Axel always thought I was older.

But now, sitting here by myself on our bench, none of that mattered. In my hands I held a half sheet of cardstock paper with confetti and streamers printed on around the edges for decoration. The words written in bold Ariel font contrasted against the white of the paper, staring up at me in defiance.

_Please join us in celebrating the high school graduation of Axel Sumner!_

I didn't bother looking over the information about where he lived and when to RSVP, it seemed useless to me since it had already passed anyways. But for me, this was the last piece of Axel I had been given, and ironically it was the very thing that reminded me he was leaving me for what felt like good. I wanted to scream out across the lake about how unfair this was. I wanted to disturb the silence around me like Axel's leaving was disturbing and screwing with my life. But more than anything I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me before he left. My cousin Sora had told me to tell him months ago, but I had always chickened out whenever I tried. Sora didn't understand how hard this was for me though. He was always so outgoing, and most importantly seemed to have always had Riku by his side, completely and madly in love with him. I sighed and folded the paper neatly and placed it back into my pocket.

I heard a rustling in the bushes behind me and out stumbled that goofy red head I had just been thinking about. He was so tall he always seemed to get himself stuck in every branch or bush, and I always laughed at him, like I was right now.

"Damn it, every time! You'd think that at least once I could get down this freaking path without getting attacked by nature." He flopped down on the bench beside me defeated yet again by Mother Nature. "So, what's up?"

I blinked for a moment, looking out at the lake. Did he even remember he was leaving tomorrow, or was acting casual like nothing was different was his way of cooping with nerves and stress?

"Nothing much man, how 'bout you? Ready for your flight tomorrow?" His face fell as he looked out across the lake along with me.

"Yeah I guess, but I don't understand what the big deal is, why everyone has to focus on that." I turned to look at him, a bit taken aback.

"W-well it's just, it is a big deal." He cut me off before I could continue, and I knew he cared about this more than he was letting on.

"No, it's not. People leave all the time, especially for college, and this town acts like I'm never coming back. My aunt told me good luck on the rest of my life, as if I'll never see her again. She lives three houses down from me, and when ever I come back to visit I'll see her."

I didn't know what to say anything for a moment, the last of the rays of sun were dipping below the horizon, marking the end of another day, my last day with Axel for a long time. "Don't take it personally Ax, it's just everyone's going to miss you, I know I will. I mean, who else will act idiotic around me and make me laugh till my sides hurt? It's not like I have a reserve of best friends waiting to replace you." This got him to smile and laugh and I felt myself relax a little.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, it's just sometimes I feel like-" His phone buzzed loudly in his pocket and he fumbled to get it out and answer it.

"Hello? … Yeah mom I'm down by the lake…. Yeah I'll be home soon…Oh you wont me home now? …Ok ok, don't shout I'll be there in a second hold on!" He flipped his phone shut and stood up as he slid it into his pocket. "Sorry Roxas, but I've got to cut this short. My mom's freaking out over whether or not I've packed everything, even though I'm pretty sure we bought out everything the stores have this week."

"Oh ok, that's fine, don't forget to call me when you get settled at your big fancy university." He smiled and told me he would as he started for the path.

"Oh wait, Ax, what was it you were going to tell me?" He turned back but looked out at the lake instead of me.

"Well it's just, sometimes I feel like no one's going to miss me, no matter how many times they say they will. I feel like come the end of summer the name _Axel _will just be a distant memory that few people remember. That's all." And without another word he disappeared into the woods, clumsily making his way up the path that was much too short for him.

I sat there looking after the place he had just been in disbelief. No one would miss Axel? That wasn't true.

I knew I would.


	2. Early morning escapades

It was way to early for me to be up. I had been planning on sleeping in until noon until a hyper red head jumped me in my own bed.

"Axel!" I shouted at him in surprise, my eyes practically bugging out of my head as I scrambled to sit up while shoving a laughing Axel off my bed. He landed with a thud on the floor as I jumped to the other side of the bed and quickly pulled on a pair of sweatpants, since I had been sleeping in my boxers and an undershirt, unaware that anyone would be surprising me in my own bed this morning. When I was fully clothed and Axel was standing up, still laughing, I confronted him on this situation. "Axel, what the hell man? What are you doing in my room at 5 in the morning?"

"Oh lighten up," Axel replied as he casually slumped down into the chair by my desk. "My mom's being a pain in the butt and I was kind of hoping you would be willing to give me a ride to the airport, like the wonderful, kind, amazing, generous-"

"Flattery will get you no where with me at 5 a.m." I cut it, and he began a new tactic: pouting. "Oh come on Axel, you're not five."

"But if I was, I'd need a ride to the airport. You wouldn't let a five year old go all by himself would you?" I gave him a 'you have to be shitting me look,' but finally gave in. Axel's unique sense of immaturity had kicked in again and won me over. I fished a T-shirt and a pair of jeans out of my closet and in a few minutes we were stuffing Axel's suitcases into the back of my Saturn. I hated my car, but it was all I could afford so I was forced to deal. Crowded inside the already cramped car was Axel and just about everything he had ever owned, with me sitting scrunched in the driver's seat with a suitcase jabbing me in the head.

"Wow Axel, just…wow. I think you need some more stuff, the car feels a little empty." He lightly punched my shoulder.

"Come on, just drive." I shifted into drive and pulled out of my driveway. I had left a note for my mom on the kitchen table, but hopefully I would be back before she woke up because note or not she wouldn't be too thrilled about this. The airport was about half an hour away, and for the first five minutes we sat in an awkward silence, which was weird for Axel since he never seemed to stop talking.

"So…" The streets were deserted this early on a Saturday morning, so there wasn't much to keep my mind occupied with, besides the awkward silence. "What happened with you and your mom this morning?" Normally Axel's mom and him got along really well, but when she got stressed out she acted like every little annoying thing that someone did was comparable to Mount St. Helens erupting in her own home. She loved to freak out, exaggerate, and melt down when she was stressed, so in a way I couldn't blame Axel for not wanting to have to deal with her in his final moments here. Plus, in a weird way, even though I had to get up before the freaking sun did, I was glad Axel had picked me to bring him to the library. Well, maybe picked wasn't the right word, more like snuck up on and then manipulated into driving.

He sighed, and I sensed that whatever happened between them was more serious than I had thought. "It was so weird man, like everything that happened is like a dream." A car ran the red light at the intersection and almost hit me. Jackass. Why did people drive like they didn't have brains, even if it was so freaking early in the morning. "She was stressing out cause she didn't think I had everything one second, and then the next she was sobbing, uncontrollably. I figured it would be because her only son was leaving for college, you know?" I nodded when he looked over. It seemed logical enough. "Wrong. She freaked out because she didn't remind me to dust my bookshelf before I left, so now she would have to do it herself. I just kind of stood there, looking at her for a minute, like 'what is wrong with you?' Then, I grabbed my bags and left after I told her I was getting a ride from you. Of course she threw a fit about that but I just hugged her goodbye, promised I call her soon, and left. There are some things I just can't deal with on days like today, and that was one of them."

I sat there in silence for a moment, letting his busy morning sink in as I got on the expressway. "I think your mother might be crazy."

He snorted, and I laughed at him. "You think?"

The rest of the ride flew by. Axel talked more than I though possible for any human being, but at least there wasn't any more awkward silence. And then suddenly, we were there.

The airport once seemed exciting and wonderful to me, beckoning me to hop on a plane and see the world. Now, this once positive place once made a knot in my stomach grow tighter. I pulled up to the doors leading to his flight desk and hopped out to help him drag everything up to the counter. It took us two trips, but finally everything was tagged and stamped and sent on its way down the conveyer belt. Axel, with his backpack carry-on, thanked me for being a good sport even though he had attacked me in my own room this morning. "At least my exit was memorable!" That it was Axel. That it was. We said our goodbyes and Axel gave me a crushing bear hug that actually lifted me off the ground as my face was squashed into his chest before he walked off to go through security.

I waited until the crowds of people had swallowed him up before leaving. I walked outside, a swirl of emotions and thought, and I realized I couldn't go home yet. At 6 a.m. in the morning, however surprising, I didn't have many other options. I decided on stopping at a small diner off the expressway that catered to truck drivers, had a wide early breakfast spread, and was facing the airport. I ordered a cup of coffee and a breakfast plate and started out the window, wondering which plane Axel would make his exit on.

"Refill?" The waitress snapped me out of my thoughts so suddenly I jumped, making her jump as a reflex. "Whoa, sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

I shook my head in protest. "No, no I'm sorry I was just zoned out, and sure. Thanks." The waitress was older, probably around my mom's age.

"I see it all the time here, darlin'. There's always someone over there in that airport that's leaving for bigger and better things than this town and city can offer, and there's almost always someone sitting over in this restaurant, wishing they were going too." She poured my coffee and gave me a smile that seemed to hold in it the answers to all of life's mysteries, which apparently could be discovered through working the early shift at a diner.

I decided to wait till I was sure Axel's plane had taken off, so I killed two and a half hours in that diner sitting in a booth with red vinyl covering that squeaked when I moved while my waitress (who's name I learned to be Sal, short for Sally, but never call her Sally because she hated it) filled up my coffee like clockwork and supplied me with a muffin every half hour, two of which were on the house. I watched each plane that took off from 8:00 to 8:30, and then finally decided it was time to get a move on.

"Good luck with everything, darlin'. And don't be a stranger, come back sometime soon!" I waved and smiled, both completely genuine, before walking slowly to my car. The ride home was silent and weird. I was no longer tired physically since I had downed about four cups of coffee, but I was mentally exhausted.

Once home I quietly snuck inside to find my mom hadn't woken up yet. I grabbed my note off the table and replaced it with another one saying I'd be down by the lake. The path seemed to have gotten longer, or was it just the fact that every step I took seemed to weigh a thousand pounds? I finally emerged out of the woods and onto the beach, which was vacant and still had that early morning feel to it with a faint mist clinging to the water's edge. The bench beckoned me to sit down, and I accepted its invitation, tired and emotionally drained. I had always figured that when Axel left I would cry at least a little, but now sitting here, positive he was gone, I couldn't cry. Not even a little. My mind was still replaying over and over our last moments together, when he crushed me in hug so tight I could barely breathe. That's how I wanted to remember him until I saw him again: happy, goofy, and confidently walking away into the unknown.


End file.
